I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
