I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
