She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
