The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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