I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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