Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
