he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
