I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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