I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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