My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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