I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
