after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
