cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
