I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
