After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
