How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
