The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
