Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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