My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
