You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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