i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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