I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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