How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
