We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
