i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
