Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
