$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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