Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
