I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
