When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
