she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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