I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
