Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
