Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
