Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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