It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
