so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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