I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
