Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
