but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
