i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
