Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Found the puke drawer
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
