i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
