I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
