I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
