i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
