Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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