for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
