i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
