I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
