a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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