I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
