so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
