I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
