The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
