i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
